Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We had to coat check the pizza.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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