Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
