guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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