I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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