you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
