You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
