I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize