saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
