your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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