just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
