The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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