had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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