I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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