you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
