i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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