this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Terrible idea I love it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize