Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
