i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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