Soap is not a condiment
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize