she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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