omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Buhtt sex?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
