You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
