Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
