I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
