I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
