After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
