I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize