He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
