guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
