I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
