As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
