she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
