Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
