Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
