Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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