I hate all girls vehemently.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
