Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
