dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize