Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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