You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
