Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
