I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
