All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
