Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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