I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
