My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Randomize
