Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
