Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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