Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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