i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
