Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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