you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
