i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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