you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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