My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
