WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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