I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
