Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
