Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
