Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
