so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
