How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize