dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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