Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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