I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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