My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
