she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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