You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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