so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
