Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you will always have a special place in my vag
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
