I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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