I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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