oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
