I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
