Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
