Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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