Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
