I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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