Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
