Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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