I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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