absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
