If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize