The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
