I showed him my bush... on skype.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
