Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
