hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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