I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
