4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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