He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
