I CAN MOONWALK!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
