I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This toilet bowl is my home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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