On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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