I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mom said you looked used
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
