HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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