i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
