Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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