I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have already put on my inside pants.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
