who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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