It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
